Can Motherhood be Easy?
When I first became a mum over 16 years ago, I thought I was the only one who struggled. All my friends seemed to take to it like a duck to water but I felt very much out of my depth.
Over the years I’ve seen more and more people talking about how hard Motherhood can be. If fact it seems to offer huge relief to mums to be in online communities where they can compare how little sleep they got or the number of bugs their child has picked up un creche.
That got me thinking. I fully accept that motherhood is a massive life change, that it involves huge personal growth and it will always be busy……….. but does it have to be hard?
I have reflected on why I found Motherhood so difficult in those early years
- Challenges on a Practical level: Shop, cook, clean, clothe, transport, organise. These require time, clear thinking and energy. I didn’t feel I had any of those so I felt overwhelmed, exhausted and even resentful
- Challenges on an Emotional level: Missing my old life, not able to be present with my children, not able to regulate my own emotions and this led to guilt, shame and feeling burdened with the responsibility
- Absolutely fear when my children were sick- feeling helpless and feeling invisible to doctors when I expressed my concerns
- Feeling powerless when behaviour problems arose. Despite being a primary school teacher I just couldn’t cope when my boundaries were challenged
- Pressure to be perfect This may come from society, partners, family, but it comes mostly from ourselves. I set unrealistic criteria for success in motherhood and set myself up to fail.
So what changed?
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Values: I got really clear on what’s important to me in terms of being a good mum. I decided that my presence was more important than a clean house, ironed clothes, organic dinners or educational outings. Your values will be different to mine. Spend some time exploring them and then let go or delegate anything that you can
- Awareness: As I began my own personal development journey I became more aware of my own alignment. Like it or not Mums alignment or misalignment affects the whole family. When I am feeling rested, calm, grounded and aligned the day unfolds with ease and I can handle any drama with ease. I knew when my nervous system was unregulated and I learned what to do about that. I learned what drained my energy and what gave me energy. In other words I learned to manage my alignment. I also learned to recognise when my children out if alignment. The nice thing about this is you take nothing personally. There’s no need to deep dive into the issues or behaviour. Just focus on helping your child to get in alignment
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Skills: Training in Energy Healing gave me huge confidence in our amazing human selves, our ability to heal and our natural program to thrive. It took the fear out of illness for me and even death. It reduced greatly the stress in the house when a child was sick or indeed anxious or distressed.
- Knowing: As I entered the world of spiritual healing I learned that my children chose me before they were born. They had the wisdom of the soul view of who I am and they close me. As I connected more with my own inner guidance I came to realise that my children have their own inner guidance system too. I stopped trying to control everything. I let them eat when they were hungry, sleep when they were tired, choose their own clothes etc. This parenting style wont suit everyone but it works for me and lets me off the hook a bit
- Self-compassion: I stopped asking myself to do the impossible. I ask for help. I listen to my body. I check in regularly to see what I need. I put my self care top of the list. It feels counterintuitive- we are programmed by a society that says a good mum puts her kids first. But it is essential if ease in Motherhood is the goal
We all have different situations. You may have the added pressure of financial worry, marital breakdown, ill health or supporting a child with special needs.
So I speak only for myself when I say, while I may have hard days for the most part yes I believe Motherhood can be easy……….. when I set myself up for success.
